Djembe Drum

I don't believe I've mentioned the new addiction of mine that has just begun to be created. About a month or two ago, I realized that the best meditation for me would be to have a hand drum. I looked into all different kinds and decide that a djembe drum would be exactly right for me. I started looking around in music stores and online...nothing called to me or even felt like it was appropriate for me. I mean in relation to design. Playing on them further intensified my need for one of my own djembes.

What it came down to was finding someone who built vegan hand drums (without animal skin drum heads) that were natural looking and made from real wood. I found someone. His name is Kevin and he has a business called Rhythm House Drums. He works out of one of the Carolinas (I can't remember which one at the moment).

Not only did I order a drum to be hand built by him...I designed it. He and I worked very closely to design a drum that would be one-of-a-kind and that would represent me perfectly. It's simple, but with little accents that couldn't be more appropriate for me.

I even sent him the fabric I wanted used for the wrap around the rings..

So, for various reasons, he JUST started building my (very expensive) djembe. He must have gotten to know me, because he sent me this picture knowing that I would want to see every step of the process. Not all of this is for my drum, but the piles of dark wood in the back and the thin strips of white-ish maple laying around are ALL FOR MY DRUM.

Excitement doesn't even begin to cover it..

Catching Up in Fewer Posts...

So, I've basically not been working for the past few days..okay..more like a week. It's great because Sean and I will be fine financially, and we got to spend so much time together in the last week. It was amazing. Memorial Day weekend had a lot of park-going, shopping, Lake Scranton walking, dog sitting, and cuddling. It was all just kind of a blur of feeling good. See pictures below for things that happened and some of my favorite purchases from this weekend.

Real Time Post

So, I'm finally done with the other entries from the last few days. Now, for today.

I got to play with my little man, Christopher. We colored pictures and played with dinosaurs for like 3 hours. It was the best. See my picture below. It's the bomb.

I actually spent most of my day eating and napping. It was a good day. I worked at 4.

The real fun worth telling happened after work. Sean and I went to the lake and did T W O rounds of C25K!

Toward the end of our second run, though, a man in a truck came along and threatened us with a $300 fine for being there while it was dark out. He told us to leave earlier next time. Most people are diffused by apologies, thank yous, and smiles, but this guy was not budging. He was jut a miserable old man...

AND when we got home, Sean finally let me give him the modern mohawk I've been DYING to give him because I knew it would look S O good. And it does.

It just doesn't show up super well in photos...

Pistachios & Oreos = Sabatage

Well, all I can say is this: At least I did C25K this morning and walked the lake. Late night trips to Walmart suck. I think I might request that they remove pistachios and mini Oreos from being next to the registers. They get me every time! Maybe I'll just give them up, too. I'm already vegan.

"I'm a fruitarian, and I only eat leaves picked by virgins in the moonlight."
-Steve Jobs

Female

Today, I feel very feminine. Painted my nails and ordered new bras. It's the best feeling ever.

Late Night Pancakes

So, I've been writing posts but not actually finishing them or posting them. I have about a dozen. This is the first one that I'm posting to catch up from the past few days.

Tuesday:

So, waking up early gave me a great start. Rather than running around like a maniac to try to get ready, it was a calm morning where I took time to listen to calm music and make myself look extra pretty for the day.

After work, I did C25K with Megan. It was hot. But I wore my cut-off tank top and shorts, so I was still comfortable. We also ran at Nay Aug, which provided us with some beautiful scenery. I felt outstanding after our run. It was a tough one, but I felt grey afterward. Dare I say I actually might be starting to e n j o y running?! It can't be...

Dinner with hubby was delicious of course. He's the bestest cook.

After dinner, I raced to work on bridal shower invitations with some of the other bridesmaids. It was definitely a bonding experience. <3. Also, I found out that I'm the decorator for the shower and the wedding. The bride had asked me to help out, but I didn't realized I got to play such a big part! I'm thrilled. That's my scene right there. I was just a little surprised to be seemingly the last one to know the theme. =p It's all good, though. No harm done. I just need to get my act together to make sure I do this right. I don't want to let her down, because she's one of my favorites. <3

After the shower invitation get together, I finally went home to spend time with my hubby. He was a champ and made me pancakes at 10:30. =)

Run, Kraidley! Run!

So, not only did Megan and I have a great, early morning C25K at 8 am, I walked the lake with Sharon at around 11! I've been quite active today, and I feel really, really fabulous. Eating a low fat vegan diet and getting exercise every day is obviously helping me to feel so much better about myself--Ben of I don't see a difference on the scale, yet.

To make my day even BETTER, I got a call back from TMG about a job as a remote customer service representative! I got the job! The girl I talked to, though, is going to hold off sending me any official information about anything. She's waiting for approval on some in-house positions, and she wants me to wait until they're approved, so I don't have I work from home! I was just hoping that transferring from remote to in-house would be an option sometime in the future, but when I asked about that, she said she'd rather get me right into a place I'd be more happy with. I think I'll like it there, just from that alone. =)

I'm a little nervous, because "they" say that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I kind of lost a job I definitely had for one that I would prefer but isn't approved, yet. I'm just scared of something happening and having to restart my job search. I need full time by the end of the summer. Sean starts school at the en of August, and I need to be making enough to support us by then. I also want I have insurance by the time he has to start driving to Wilkes-Barre and back every day.

Keep your fingers crossed that this position gets approved! If it does, I'm in!

Also, these are the geese families Sharon and I stopped at the lake to play with today. =)

Early Bird

I decided to try to wake up about half an hour earlier than I needed to, so that I could have a calm morning where I wasn't rushing around and being late for work. This never works. I always end up waking up even later than I should and scrambling to get to work before anyone notices that I'm 6 minutes late.

Today it worked, and I'm currently eating oatmeal with agave nectar and fresh berries. I'm also listening to Guster. If I wasn't me, I'd be jealous.

The Walmart Trap

After work tonight, I decided to go looking for shorts, tanks--not the military variety, and a really great pair of running shoes. Because of my limited budget and the fact that it was already 8:30, my options were limited. Sean and I gunned it to Shoe Show, and I found nothing to fit my canoe-like feet.

So, we went to Strawberry on the hunt for flowy tank tops in bright colors--something like what Ke$ha would wear to jog. Knowing she and I have quite similar body types, I knew they'd look just smashing. I was wrong. Neon. Sleeveless. Not as baggy intended by design. Let's just say that none of them worked out too well for me.

At least when we hit up the Walmart next door, I found shorts that are long enough to keep my thighs from catching fire as I jog A N D make me look like a man! So, I bought a pair for $8 to try them out on my run with Megan tomorrow. Holy run-on sentence. Whatevs. I also found pistachios and mini Oreos for like a buck. I decided then that i was hungry enough to sabotage my otherwise incredibly healthy day. I was taken by the Walmart trap yet again! Yes. I bought them. Yes. I ate them on the way to Target.

Target, of course, had neon, sleeveless, flowy shirts that were actually damn near perfect for what I was looking for A N D looked decent enough to wear at the park while running. Only while running..but still. Totally different standards for apparel while exercising. But anyway. All I would have needed to change was that they were too long. Too. Long. How often does THAT happen? Never. Easy enough to snip an inch of the bottom, so people can see my knee caps, right? Awesome. I picked four different colors. Then.. I checked the price tag. $17.99 EACH!

Fuck that shit. I came home and cut the sleeves and neck off of an old Light the Night t-shirt and threw it into my tote for tomorrow.

If anyone wants to buy me a $100 Target gift card, you'd be contributing to my help-Kendra-look-like-a-female-while-she-exercises fund. =]

In closing, when I lose the 100 pounds that is my ultimate goal, I'm going to treat myself to finding out how to sew this dress, buy some wonderfully spunky material, and make this for myself.

Impatient

As fantastic as I feel, I can't help but feel the impatience building up by the second.  I just want to be thin, have healthy levels of cholesterol, be able to shop in any store I want, have a full time job that pays well enough to live off of while Sean goes to school. (Is that even possible unless I teach..? Ugh.)  It's really all just a pain in the ass.  But, at least with my health, I feel like I'm on a phenomenal track. =)  I'll hang on to that goodness for today.  Maybe it will attract the rest.

Now.  I think I'll shower for the first time in 3 days.  It's going to feel so lovely.

Energy & Persistence

I went for a run by myself this afternoon at Nay Aug park. I was doing my 5 minute walking warm up when I noticed a sign above the trail to the treehouse. I know I've read it before, but the words were either empty or meant something else to me at the time. Regardless, Ben Franklin really gave me a spring to my step today. I want to remember this.

Kickstart

So, I actually met a goal today by starting my "Kickstart" on the day I had intended. The basic guidelines of the book are to avoid animal products and limit one's consumption of oils.

Well, I've officially been vegan for one week as of today. I actually think I have it down already. I thought it was going to be a really difficult change, but I realized that I was close to a vegan diet with the exception of cheese and stupid, sneaky ingredients that I can't even pronounce. I can't speak for everyone, but I think that once you make the definitive decision to not eat cheese, it's easy. And being vegan is actually really fun, because you know you're doing something amazing, you're challenging yourself, and you push yourself to experiment and make quirky, delicious meals that you probably wouldn't have thought of without the push.

So, anyway, today is day 1 of 21. I'm really not intimidated by the nutritional changes. I feel empowered. I feel like I'm doing the best thing that I can do for myself, my planet, and animals. I may only be one person, but I matter, and I make a difference.

I'm doing day 3 of Couch to 5k today. I hate running. I really do. But, I ran my first two days with Megan who made me realize that I don't have to gun it a fast as I can when the App tells me to run. I can jog for now and work on speed later. It's better to do it and finish it, maybe even enjoy it sometimes, and feel straight up gangsta when I'm done than to fizzle out half way through, give up, and never do it again.

I'm going on a run by myself in a few minutes. I just wanted to blog with pride so that I can look back and drink in some of this bottled feeling when I'm feeling discouraged.

I WILL fit into the size 16 for Johanna's wedding. Period. And I hope it's loose.

As for my full body cleanse, I'm proud to announce that I have not yet shit my pants or even had to make a mad dash to the bathroom. My digestive tract gives me plenty of warnings with ample time to finish whatever it is I'm doing and to walk calmly to the rest room. It happens no less than 8 times a day...but it works. And no.. I'm not exaggerating. I feel good, though. This is like a 16+ day cleanse, depending on how aggressive you decide to go with it. I'm going full steam ahead unless I do start to dash to the bathroom with cheeks clenched. I'm sure I'll keep you all updated. ;)

Okay, time for the people of Nay Aug to see the red and sweaty side of me.

Full Body Cleanse

Well, when I read the instructions and saw that day 1 of the full body cleanse begins AT NIGHT, I just couldn't help myself. I downed those first three herbal pills like a champ. Then, I proceeded to set up my old-lady pill organizer to get my first cleanse week organized.

This is going to be insane.

A Noble King

I just found out that a local high school hero named Gary lost his fight to cancer this morning after having been crowned prom king last night at his senior prom. I think of all the kings in all the world, Gary is the one that will be remembered fondly and with respect with a resounding lack of jealousy. Could someone die any more peacefully than knowing that they're loved, respected, admired, and giving hope to all who need it? I'm not so sure. So, in honor of Gary, I just want to say thank you for being so brave and fighting so hard and giving us all so much hope and so much to be thankful for.

My brother Dave, who also passed away from cancer, had worked to help condition and coach Gary as a goalie after both had already been diagnosed with cancer. They knew how to say, "fuck cancer, let's play hockey" well past the point of not really having the strength to play. As my brother Pat just said in tribute, "there's a goalie clinic going on already in the great beyond."

Ear Candles? Sure, Why Not

I just thought I'd dedicate my next update to my new experience with ear candles.

At first, I was terrified that I was going to get burned when I watched a video on exactly how to use these medieval cleansing tools. Then, Sean lit one on fire and dropped hot wax on my shoulder/chest. Did I back down in agony? Shit no. I set that mother effer up in my ear and let it burn. Then, I put the remainder out in a bowl at the "stop here" point... Then... I cut it open. So much disgusting stuff got pulled out of my ear that even I gagged. And, that's saying something.

That was my first experience with any kind of body cleansing other than showers and the occasional fast. And by occasional, I mean that I fasted for two days once.

Sean was lovely enough to pick up a women's full body cleanse kit for me. For those of you who don't know, I always make Sean research things like that before we buy them. He's much better at it than I am. I get overwhelmed and end up picking something cheap that sucks ass with regard to quality. Anywho, I plan to begin that little box of clean tomorrow. Be prepared for me to talk about my poop for the next seven days, because that's all anyone talked about in any of the reviews I read about every body cleanse I looked into before delegating the research to my wonderful husband.

Other thoughts of the day:

I suck at my job because I hate it. Time for a change.

I found a cute dress that I'm goin to wear as a bridesmaid. My lover girl bride gave her bridesmaids paint swatches to match any reasonable and appropriate dress to. Freakin brilliant, right? So, of course I set out to create my own work of art for the special day. And I still plan to attempt it. However, I know I fall victim to procrastination like nobody's business, so I decided to look at a few stores while Sean and I were out last night. First store, first dress, and I found my backup. I'll continue to look, but this one is something I can definitely live with if all else fails. I just fit into an 18, so I bought an 18 and a 16. I'll return whichever doesn't fit properly right before the wedding. I can totally lose 1-2 sizes in the next 60 days. Monday is day 1 of my 21 day kickstart and my exercise regiment. Wish me luck.

Finally, I just want to reveal that I'm about to go practice engagement ring photos for an upcoming shoot I have with my darling bride to be and her man. Also, I'm wearing a strapless dress to try to get some tanning in. I'm currently translucent. Oh, and Shuffles is coming, too. Even though he's going to rip my eyes out and be miserable in the heat. He'll thank me later...

Inside Out

Today I began to regain confidence in my personality. It dawned on me that maybe my personality has never been the "problem".

For the sake of this post, I'm going to define "problem" as: the thing that keeps me from being as confident in myself and my abilities as I should be. So, what has caused the problem?

My initial response was to say that my consistent and life-thus-far-long body issues are the problem. Then, of course, I blame my body instead of a mislead opinion of myself. Well, of I took better care of myself, I wouldn't have a lousy body to feel bad about.

I'm choosing instead to take the advice I would give someone else. The "problem" isn't me at all. It's the idea that most of society relies first on appearance and then on intelligence and personality. That's the real problem.

Another problem is that there's really no defeating that stigma. I dot care how many Susan O'Boyle-esque people grace us all with their stereotype-crushing presence..it's always going to be there. Because of that, I want to change my outsides to match the awesome, friendly, people-pleasing--yet with a strong will to challenge--entity that is my insides.

The sheer positivity of being vegan will, I expect, bring with it a healthful change or two. That will reflect on my body in terms of being thinner and just healthier in general. I've never been able to stick to any "diet" other than Weight Watchers. WW worked wonders for me, but my time with it has passed and I've gained back every pound I lost with it. Being vegan is more spiritual to me than it is dietary. I'll stick to this for the sake of my positive spirit that respects all forms of life.

There are several issues, though. My own wedding was a big motivator for me to get thinner. And it worked. But in the year that I've been married, I've gained 35 pounds back. Yuck. I think what I need to do is just figure out a solid something that will motivate me and keep it in mind at all times. One of my absolute dearest friends is getting married in August, and I'm one of her bridesmaids. Thin n e e d s to happen. I will not embarrass her or myself by allowing my body to stay the same.

But what about exercise? Ha. I can't ever get myself going. There's always an excuse. A friend and I have started Couch to 5K this week. We run it together three times a week. That's great, but it won't be enough. The weather is beautiful, so maybe simple sunshine will be inspiration enough to get out and move in it. Though, I know myself better than to think I want to do anything more than sit or picnic in the sun.

Oh, I don't know. I suppose I'll start by halting my rant and meeting up for a run.

Oh yea. I promised myself I'd include a photo. I wrote this from my iPod in the bathroom. So, I included the picture, but I'm not sure where it's going to end up. Either way, taking it reminded me to mention that Sean and u are going to Everything Natural tonight to look for safe, natural cleansing methods for our innards. Should be fun!

Cereal In Orange Juice

Yes. Cereal IN Orange juice...not and...in. I'm still loving this Kickstart book. Today this crazy doctor--who consistently blows my mind with all of his insane factoids and ideas-- told me that some people use orange juice on their cereal instead of milk. I literally chuckled and called him a liar under my breath.

And then I decided to give it a go. I splashed some Simply Orange on my Strawberry Fields because I thought it sounded like a sexy thing to do. Well, it was very sexy, and I plan to eat my cereal that way more often.

I strongly suggest using orange juice on one's cereal. At least try it. It feels so wrong when you pour the juice into the bowl of grain, but your mind will be made up once you've taken the first bite. You'll realize you made the right decision to give it a go.


On a side note, the world made it another day without losing one of it's living inhabitants to Kraidley menstruation. But just barely.

My goal for my next post is to stop ranting long enough to include a picture.

This month's PMS

First and foremost, which is an extremely redundant phrase, I think that PMS is a real thing.

There is no logical reason for me to literally have been rolling around on the bed, pounding my fists on the mattress, grinding my teeth, and saying, "I'm never going to amount to anything! I'm an elephant with no neck and old lady boobs! How am I supposed I be vegan when all I want are pizza an ice cream?!?"

My poor husband is always so upset, because he never seems I say the right thing to make me feel better. In reality, there is nothing he could say that would even come close to being called "the right thing". Some kind of awful hormone just tells me I hate everyone and everything in the entire world and that I'm destined to be miserable.

And then my mood swings and all I want to do is nibble on hubby's arms, laugh at everything, conquer all obstacles in one swift movement, and plant a tree in my urban backyard for every sheet of paper I've ever thrown in the garbage instead of recycling it.

And then of course, there is sleep mode where I'm cranky as shit because all I want to do is sleep while simultaneously not being able to let go of the fact that sleeping will prevent me from accomplishing anything. All of this happens while I click refresh on Facebook and Gmail until my eyeballs feel like I've dipped them in a glue pot.

Sometimes, I seriously consider having a voluntary hysterectomy. There's always adoption if I ever change my mind about rearing demons...

On a side note, movie popcorn at Cinemark is vegan...and that's just as good as pizza and ice cream.

Let's Try This Again..

I've always wanted to keep a journal, but have never been able to keep one.  Let's give it another shot.

Today's thought:  I can't wait to eat at Eden tonight with my husband.  It's my first day as someone who is going to try to be a dietary vegan all the time.  I tried to be vegan 6 days out of the week, but it just didn't work.  It was far too easy to cheat multiple times. It's the real deal, now.  As for everything else, I'll just use up what I have and not buy anything else that is non-vegan.  This is what I believe in.  It's about time I stop being a hypocrite. 

I found out this morning that I weigh 250. Did somebody set Mermaid Man's belt to Wumbo or something?  Dear lord.  

That being said...this week I've decided to build a wellness plan for myself.  This includes all kinds of adorable charts where I log my exercise and water consumption! It really doesn't get any more exciting than that for me.. truly.  I'm also reading 21-Day Weight Loss Kickstart by Neal Bardard.  Good shit.  Seriously.  

I also just found this. 21-Day Vegan Kickstart

Yes...